It’s been a week since we went to the ER. Olive shows no signs of illness and seems to be doing well. I on the other hand am run down. Olive turned a month old the day we went to the ER, we have had a whole month of living with two children in this house. A friend once told me that when I had my second child I would know why they say “having one is like having none.” I hate it that I understand it now. I had a whole post in my mind, of things that I have learned in the past month. Things that having two kids has taught me. However, the fatigue of having those two children has robbed me of my list. Instead, there is a just a bold question mark blinking like a cursor in my mind. With each pulse of the stupid question mark, more knowledge of grammar, spelling, and syntax ooze from my brain. I really don’t understand how people can have large families. I mean, it has taken me AGES just to get these few sentences written. I know it’s not just sleep deprivation. It’s a day of having Olive screaming at the top of her lungs until she puked. A day of Sadie talking about how much she loves her sister, Sadie giving me a running commentary on the things she sees out the car window, Sadie asking me what a sponge really is, Sadie asking me if she can have “arm” and her “paci” and some juice and a snack and watch a show.

The auditory clutter leads to mental clutter and now I can’t even organize my thoughts when I have a moment of quiet. I am so happy we have Olive and Sadie around, and 9 times out of 10 I am even happy to have the noise and the chaos. It is just a shock to my system. I know that I will adjust, and my old life of no kids, or just one kid, will fade into the abyss and I will only know the life I have now. I know it will happen and probably quickly, because honestly, I can’t even remember what my life was like yesterday. I guess there is something to be said for that, I guess it keeps you in the moment or whatever. Anyway, happy belated one month birthday to Olive, and happy one month anniversary to “the end of life as I knew it” to me.