First of all, an observation: Who knew that internet p0rn & having a baby would develop the same skill? I am typing this one handed right now, and doing a first rate job, if I may say so myself. In my right arm I am holding a swaddled, sleeping BABY! I can’t believe it, but there really was a baby in that swollen body of mine.

Yesterday we took extreme measures to force this kid out. We dropped Sadie off at my mom’s house and we went to the midwife’s office. She swept my membranes three times, (not much fun, I have to say) she gave us a mixture of blue & black cohosh to take every half hour, and then we went to a local indoor mall for a brisk walk. We had to go somewhere indoors because it was SNOWING. Boo to snow in April, climate change, boo. After our briskish walk, (I was having some cramping and I was all giant and huge, and my pants were falling down.) we went back to the midwife and she stripped my membranes three more times. We came home ad instead of getting it on, we opted for nipple stimulation with a breast pump. With the cramping and the membrane sweeping, my body was SO not in the mood for anything fancier than eating in front of the TV with a breast pump attached to me. So then we headed back to the midwife for one last membrane sweep, but she said I was dilated to a 3 so she would refrain from the last membrane sweep. This, was the lovliest news ever.

We went home and just hung out in our big bed. I took a little nap between the contractions that had started. I’m not sure how many episodes of Law & Order we watched, but let’s just say for the entirety of my labor, excluding one episode of Clean House, was filled with back to back episodes of one kind of L & O or another. My labor started getting serious around 9:30pm, but in accordance with our birthing practice (The Bradley Method) & the birth center policies, we labored at home as long as we could. Brett called our midwife at midnight & we met her at the birth center at 12:30.

I was having contractions the whole way there, but when we arrived, she said I was only dilated to a 4! I was pretty grumpy about that. She filled up the giant tub in the bathroom while I had more contractions on the bed. Let me take a moment to say how awesome Brett is as a labor coach. He’s sweet and attentive, and he did so well at supporting me, I can’t even tell you. He sat by the side of the tub as contraction after contraction rolled over me. They came so fast I barely had time to rest between them. Laboring i the water was so terrific, until I had to pee. I got out to go to the bathroom, and then I had the urge to push. The midwife let me push on the toilet for awhile, but she was emphatic that I could not give birth to the baby on the toilet. So I ended up giving birth to this little one while I stood in the bathroom. Brett held me up from behind while the midwife caught the kid. She was born at 3:08am. You don’t know weird until you are standing naked in some medical suite, holding a slippery baby and straddling their umbilical cord while you hobble from the bathroom to the bed.

She is perfect and sweet, just like her big sister. Unlike her big sister she did not break my tailbone, and so we thank the universe for miracles large and small today. We still haven’t settled on a name, but we have set the limit of namelessness as tonight, so check back in for that info later.